You know you drink too much coffee when
- Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
- you ski uphill.
- you speed walk in your sleep.
- you answer the door before people knock.
- you sleep with your eyes open.
- you just completed another sweater and you don't
know how to knit.
- you grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
- you have to watch videos in fast-forward.
- the only time you're standing still is in an
- you lick your coffeepot clean.
- your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
- the nurse needs a scientific calculator to take
- your T-shirt says, "Decaf is the devil's
- you can type sixty words a minute with your
- all your kids are named "Joe."
- you don't need a hammer to pound nails.
- your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet
- you don't sweat, you percolate.
- you've worn out the handles on your favorite
- you've built a miniature city out of plastic
- people get dizzy just watching you.
- people can test their batteries in your
- when someone asks you," How are you?", you say,"
Good to the last drop."
- your birthday is a national holiday in
- you'd be willing to spend time in a Turkish
- you go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell
- you speak perfect Arabic without even taking a
- your Thermos is on wheels.
- you can outlast the Energizer Bunny.
- you don't even wait for the water to boil
- you think being called a drip is a
- you don't tan, you roast.
- you don't get mad, you get steamed.
- you soak your dentures in coffee overnight.
- your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of
- you think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides
PO Box 1043
Leominster, MA 01453